They see the potential in something or someone and they become obsessed with building it from the ground up. It seemed nice and maybe even sweet at first, but a lack of assertiveness and independence drives you nuts—and makes you feel like you have to babysit their feelings. It becomes their reason to live. You know that person at work whose energy is so bad you instinctively run the other way when you see them coming? That is, they see the world through a really, really dark cloud, and often struggle with low self-esteem, tend to feel guilty about things, and feel ineffective at work or school. Or even that family member who has no clue that their presence drains all the good vibes out of you? They take a chisel and they scrape off various pieces of themselves one by one and add them to the masterpiece that they are building. They carry this nurturing trait into adulthood, along with many other positive characteristics, including: You had a vision and you made it happen; it came to life.
They make excuses for their behaviors so nothing really changes, including the dysfunctional dynamics of your relationship. You may not know for sure if the person has a clinical diagnosis, but you know something is off. So if your friend seems to go out of her way to meet her needs at the expense of yours and it has caused some serious rifts, she may be struggling with narcissistic traits. How do I Deal with a Rescuer? In addition, show them that there are alternative, healthier ways in which to invest empathy and altruistic behaviours. Since childhood the Rescuer has had the desire to save someone, usually a family member, such as an alcoholic father, depressed mother, or ill sibling. Who knows how they got to be this way. They slave away, brainstorming and planning, trying to figure out how they are going to create this work of art. So one of the ways to protect yourself from the avalanche of drama is to simply disconnect and I mean that in the healthiest of ways. When it comes to relationships, being a Fixer means that there will always be an expiration date. They thrive on holding things together, often in an attempt to compensate for something that has made them feel less than adequate. One of the main issues with this type of person is dependency. The needs of others are treated as more important than their own. Rescuers believe they have the necessary influence, charm, or persuasive powers to help change people or situations for the better. They carry this nurturing trait into adulthood, along with many other positive characteristics, including: You would do anything to go back to the beginning just to go through the same motions and to have that sensation again. You might think that we could all benefit from having a Rescuer close by. They chip away at parts of themselves. Histrionic Personality Type Contrary to what we usually think of a difficulty personality type, this person is really very likeable and often the life of the party. They take a chisel and they scrape off various pieces of themselves one by one and add them to the masterpiece that they are building. Their persistence when tackling a problem, even though it belongs to someone else, can be encouraging. But what happens when you finish? Compulsive Personality Type If people with difficult personality types tend to be rigid in how they interact, then those with a compulsive style are like the gods of rigidity. Rescuers have the tendency to neglect themselves due to their neurotic obsession to look after others. They feel utterly rejected when their assistance is not welcome. This may actually work in their favor forcing them to be more independent. But after the satisfied fog wears off, you are left feeling empty.
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